I Win

Amanda from Dishevelled Stars hooked me up with an award. Jealous? You should be. That girl sets the standard for life-blogging and she is from Austin; a win/win in my book. If you are not a reader you should be.

From what I can tell the award is like a chain letter. You receive the award and then you must pass it along after you list 7 random facts about yourself. So here is what the badge looks like.

I am reminded of a malnutrition-ed British dweeb singing with his shirt off. Girly or not I accept this award and will comply. Here are your seven random facts.

#1 My chest is hairless, my butt is furry.
#2 I played Kenickie in my high school's production of Greece.
#3 I have never voted for the winning candidate in any election ever.(I vote in every election)
#4 I worked at a clinic in Bolivia for 2 weeks when I was 17.
#5 I have never knocked on wood.
#6 I have the best taste in music and if you don't agree then you have the worst.
#7 I read Siddhartha at least once a year.

So there you have it. Seven facts about yours truly. Boring right? Okay here is a good one.

#8 I have fathered over 23 children and named them all Spoon Face.

Moving on... I guess that I am supposed to give this award to someone else now. I feel a little silly giving away such a girly award. It only seems fitting that I give the nod to the girliest blog that I follow. I am looking at you Jackie. This girl loves cupcakes. She has a cupcake meetup group and a blog about the puffy desert cakes. Real men follow cupcake blogs. A few months back I attended one of Tolly's meetups. I was lucky enough to meet some really cool people and Jackie was one of them. She has already won my only contest to date why not give her an award too.

Monday Update

Some of you may have noticed a lack of new content lately. You can still count on new content on Monday's and Wednesday's. But I must warn you. Starting a new relationship takes a lot of time and energy. This is a good thing. I am happy. I could write volumes about my newfound happiness. But to do so seems a little presumptuous right now. Let's let some time pass. I am happy and I am keeping myself busy.



I have a lot of projects going on right now. Projects like building a new website for a great friend of mine who is starting a new business.
Who doesn't love delicious fries? You know how hard it is to design a menu and not get hungry? Check out their facebook fan page and twitter feed. According to their twitter feed they will be opening next weekend. Right in time for some SXSW munchies. I can't wait.



I also wanted to take the time right to say a big thank you to Lauren of Hipstercrite. I was in need of some female perspective this weekend. I was on a mission for some nice things for my girl and Lauren was a huge help. I went shopping on South Congress and found myself at American Apparel. This was my first visit to the store. I had all kinds of preconceived notions of what the store would be like. I imagined glitter eyed gaga wannabees and oversexed hipster gay guys and to my amazement I only saw one or two. The shopping experience was perfect. The colors in that place were like a Crayola factory. I became a fan of overpriced cotton garments that day my friend. I don't mind paying a premium for cloths made in America. USA! USA! USA! Lauren was so knowledgeable and great with the suggestions. The full-body lace cat-suit* was a bit much but I found exactly what I was looking for.



And finally I would like to say that I have been hard at work writing a story that is near and dear to me. I will leave you with a short excerpt. Have a good week and hopefully I will have something interesting to write about in the near future. Cheers.

To some money is the route of all evil, but to me it is and will always be funny. You see I was arrested by the secret service when I was 17. I'll never forget Agent Robert Blossman's words as he took me out of my Algebra II class.

"Do you know what the Secret Service does? The Secret Service was created to catch people who make counterfeit money. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

*Lauren is a superfreak. Someone needs to take this girl out and make her put on her cat-suit.

Happy thought

A song is hidden somewhere

To be content a sin

To be reckless a blessing

Dave

"Oh my gawd can you believe those people."

Dawn, Danielle, and Dave were waiting for a table. They arrived at 7:30. The weather outside was frigid. Dawn wore her $1000 shag carpet vest, Danielle modeled her scarf, gloves, earmuffs, and cashmere toboggan, and Dave was dressed plainly. Two of the three were visiting town. Dawn and Danielle were becoming increasingly frustrated with the hostess of the small bistro.

"Did you see that?"
"I know."
"I can't believe that."
"It's like she didn't even see us."
"We were here before them."

Dave was quiet. The restaurant was packed. The three huddled closely by the door as the hostess made her rounds. Using codes unknown to me the hostess made a series of checks and marks in her leather bound notebook.

"Donner party of three."
"I know, right?"
"Who do these people think they are?"
"I know. My gawd can you believe it?"
"Look at her."
"Oh my gawd."
"Yeah, I know."
"She isn't pulling it off."
"Not with that fat ass."
"I need a drink."
"Me too."

My name was pinned in the leather bound notebook. The wait would be an hour and a half. My date and I passed Dawn, Danielle, and Dave as we ventured out into the chilly night air. Drinks at my favorite bohemian dive bar would pass the time nicely. There and back we ventured through the cold. An hour later we found ourselves back at the small house turned restaurant. Dawn, Danielle were outside smoking.

"It is so fucking cold right now."
"I know, right?"
"I can't believe he came."
"Me neither."
"I didn't think he would."
"How long have you known him?"
"Like 25, 26 years. He dated my roommate in college. He found me on facebook like 3 three months ago."
"Creepy."
"I know, right?"
"This is taking forever."
"At least he's buying."
"Right."
"You look so good tonight."
"Awww. So do you.
"No. I look fat."
"O my gawd. You are not fat. You look so fucking good."

My date and I ordered adult beverages as we waited for our seats. A couple of spots opened at the bar; we bellied up and asked for a menu. Sitting to our right was a silver haired fellow eating escargot, to his right his silver haired friend, behind them, Dave. I took my companions coat. She was absolutely stunning. Her bluish green eyes were changing color before me as her cheeks slightly blushed. She took her seat. Slipping out of the heal her shoe playfully balanced it on her big toe. The most beautiful woman in the room was at my side. I deposited said coat on the appropriate hook and made my way to the restroom. Dawn and Danielle had rejoined Dave and the three were making nice with the silver haired gentlemen. Michelle My Belle began playing as I took my seat. Everyone likes the Beatles.

We ordered; Les Amuse, Asperges Blanches with Sabayon Sauce, Les Plats, Côte du Porc Fillet de Poisson, Les Dessert, Tarte dEva. My date and I exchanged hush tones, hands lingered, lips touched. This was our first date, our first real date. Nervous energy coursed through my veins. Our appetizer, the white asparagus arrived.

"That stuff'l make your pee stink."

Danielle skills of observation were acute and on point. I smiled and turned my attention back to the amazing food and company to my left. And to my right...

"So you gonna buy us sexy ladies a drink."
"Are you the sexy ladies?"
"You are bad."
"Oh you don't even know."
"Well?"
"Sure what are you drinking?"
"I was drinking the house red, but since you're buying."
"I know just what you want."
"I bet you do."

Dawn moved in and took the open seat between me and the man eating snails. He ordered the two women glasses of wine and began discussing the finer merits of single life. Everyone involved was mildly fascinated. Dave was quite and drinking beer. He shifted his weight from right to left, left to right, digging in with both feet, trenching. Our entrees of pig and fish arrived.

"So how do you two know each other?"
"Dawn and I work together."
"And where might that be?"
"Don't tell 'em Danielle. We don't even know these guys."
"Yeah we don't talk to strangers."
"But you let them buy you drinks."
"Okay, fine. I am in PR for a venture capital firm and Danielle is..."
"I just got my real estate license. So if you got a million dollars I am your girl."
"And what about your friend here?"

Dave politely smiled and offered his hand.

"Dave Walton. Pleased to meet you."
"So Danielle, what are the three of you getting into tonight?"
"Oh I don't know."
"You are such a tease."
"I know, right?"
"Well Tom and I are going downtown after this. You should come with."
"We haven't even eaten yet."
"Here take my number down. If you wanna meet up later give me a call."

Dave was quiet. Our pear tart arrived. The leather bound notebook approached. The table was ready. Dawn, Danielle, and Dave made their way to their seats. Jeff and Tom discussed their missed opportunity.

"Yeah, I could have fucked her."
"I know, right? If they didn't have their puppy dog with them you might have."
"Fucking cock blocker."
"The night isn't over yet."
"I know, right?"

My date and I finished our delicious meal. I retrieved her coat and we made our way to the front door. I turned back and extended an arm as I opened the door for my date. Dawn and Danielle decided to split a salad. The waiter came to take their order. Dave was quiet, quietly screaming inward. "Someone fucking kill me! Shoot me in the fucking face. Kill me and get it over with. Get me away from these vapid slutty cunts! I want to die! Kill me!" The waiter smiled at Dave and gave a little wink.

I know, right? Sorry Dave.

Humankind

I visited my neighbor last night. I was playing mailman. Emily was out of town for a week. I was apartment sitting and collecting her mail for her. I knocked once; no answer. I knocked again after I heard laughter from inside. The door opened and 5 sets of eyeballs were upon me. Emily let me in with a smile and a hug. The five friends were all giving each other prison tattoos. Little artsy fuckers giving each other birds and eyeballs on their fingers. They asked if I wanted one and I declined. I went on some tirade about how tattoos were cool in the 50's but not anymore. I made my delivery and made my way around the building for a smoke. The night was still. As I came to the back of my building I heard a rustling in the alleyway. Hiding behind one of the raised lids of a trash can a homeless man was scavenging. He stood motionless, my presence was know to him. Possum like he stood fixed. As I nervously smoked my cigarette my mind played with me. Was this the person breaking into parked vehicles? Was this the man who was seen camping in the laundry room? Am I afraid? As I smoked he remained silent; perhaps thinking I hadn't noticed him. A deathlike calm held my cigarette smoke suspended in place. Poof, the smoke cleared. I wanted to help this man. I knew he was hungry. I had food. I had expensive salami and rye bread. I had sprouts and avocados, roma tomatoes and baby swiss. Do bums like good food? I pictured my open refrigerator in my minds eye. Nope. Sorry Mr. Bum. The good food is all mine. I flicked my cigarette out and went around the building and entered my apartment. Blood gushed from atrium and ventricle skipping beats as a wave of nervous energy coursed through my veins. It was time to play mailman again. I took the package in hand and found myself leaving the comfort of my apartment. Walking with purpose, each step a deliberate choice I approached the bearded man. His cloths were in shambles, his body tightly wrapped. No longer searching through the garbage his chin turned upward to the clouded sky. The reflection of city light infected the thin clouds. Blood red puffs lazily passed overhead. Normally when I see clouds so close to the ground they move too fast. I interrupted the hovering clouds.

"Hey man are you hungry?"
"Huh?"
"Are you hungry? Here are some goldfish crackers and a banana."
"Thank you."

I reached out and placed the package in his hands. His beard covered his hidden lips as his ears smiled for him. I didn't linger. I didn't make small talk. I delivered my package and went home.